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Why Must Men Connect Emotionally in Marriage

Emotionally speaking, men and women are entirely different beings. The way they behave in a relationship not only affects them on an intimate level, but it also influences their marriage distinctly.  While some actions can lead to a happy and loving life, other maneuvers can escort you to the path that ultimately ends in a doomed marriage.

Learning how to connect with your partner emotionally is one of the most rewarding skills a husband or man can learn.  Studies show that men who not only allow but appreciate their wives with diverse nature to play a role in their marriage tend to live a happier life with them. On the other hand, husbands who do not welcome change and practice criticism are always more likely to end up in a hopeless relationship with their partners.

How A Man’s Conventional Behavior Impacts Marriage

Before going any further, it is crucial to learn how a man’s behavior with their partners can significantly impact a marriage, dramatically affecting an intimate relationship.

1- Facts vs. Emotions

Men usually use 12,000 words verbally in an entire day. However, most of these words are spent on workplace matters. For example, they give instructions to employees, talk to customers, make business calls, or debate the current job or political challenges. These examples clearly show that most ‘men talk’ are typically based on straight facts.

When it comes to women, they can average up to 25,000 words a day. However, these words are seldom based on facts. Instead, women usually indulge in lengthy and in-depth emotional talks that can impact the hearts of the people around them. The thing to understand here is that while men drain all their words at their workplaces, women save them for home as they cannot express hearty talks in a professional environment.

In conclusion, a woman needs meaningful communication with her husband when he gets back from work. On the other hand, husbands are physically and mentally tired with nothing more to say when they return. As a result, most women are left unsatisfied due to their husbands’ lack of contribution to emotional talks, as they only partake in conversations with straightforward answers.

2- Achievement-Oriented vs. Relationship-Oriented

Men are driven by their need to be financially sound and successful in life. They are achievement-oriented by nature and look for ways to prove their competence rather than spending their time on analyzing their feelings. Additionally, men rarely talk about their problems unless they are looking for professional advice. Whether it be because of the social stigma that unjustly says, ‘men don’t loathe on their problems,’ or be it another factor, they typically avoid having a heart-to-heart conversation to discuss their issues, even with their wives.

Conflictingly, women value love and meaningful relationships more than their sense of worldly achievements. They spend a significant amount of time nurturing and supporting each other for the same reason. The intimate talks, sharing, and relating to their husbands’ everyday activities make them feel belonged and cared for. That is the primary reason why women, unlike men, prefer to evaluate their relationship in terms of emotional fulfillment rather than sexual pursuits.

3- Physical Intimacy vs. Emotional Intimacy

Most men hold the same belief of achievement and competence when it comes to intimacy in married life. It means whenever the prospect of intimacy is mentioned in a relationship, they mostly imagine a host of things, but they mostly revolve around physical wants and activities.

As it is in their nature to stay fact-focused, they usually do not delve into the deep emotional aspects of their relationship. This is also why men tend to spend most of their attention on improving physical intimacy with their partners to strengthen their relationship.

However, women understand intimacy as something completely different to what men think of it. They need to be emotionally intimate with their husbands so they can share their love, dreams, and emotions with them. Rather than physical intimacy, they keep focused on improving the emotional aspect of a relationship.

4- Solution-Focused vs. Feeling-Focused

Even though this is a challenging factor to understand for both men and women, it is usually the cause of timely disagreements for many married couples. Men, in general, have a hard time connecting with their feelings. They also feel emotionally threatened when such expressions are made in their presence. That is why when their partners confess to them their feelings, they automatically withdraw or, in other cases, attempt to solve the stated problem.

Women, on the other hand, need their husbands to sincerely listen to their problems so they could be empathized rather than offered solutions. Men’s behavior may seem like a logical explanation from their perspective, as they try to uplift their partner’s mood. But they only make it worse because this reaction makes the women feel as if their emotions are not being validated.

In short, whereas men feel the need to resolve their partner’s matters, women simply need to be heard and understood by them.

5- Competition vs. Bonding

Based on the emotional differences we have already discussed in this article; it is now easy to comprehend why men are generally too competitive in nature compared to women. They want to win at all aspects of life that makes them feel a sense of achievement when they notch a victory. What most women think of it as a time to bond, men manage to make it seem like something to conquer.

For instance, when men go shopping, they usually see this outing as a time to achieve their objectives. While women think of a shopping spree with their husbands as a much-needed bonding time. Another relatable example can be the mentality behind why most men hunt. You would probably think that they enjoy it because it is a way to provide for their family – hence, there is a sense of accomplishment for them in this activity.

However, the same object can be achieved just as easily by shopping from the grocery store, but it does not fulfill their needs like hunting does. That is because this experience gives them a sense of masculinity when they load their hunts on their trucks. Women, though, are mostly repelled with hunting as they can get emotionally involved on that trip. Unlike men, they do not only see a deer, but it is whole family. Killing one of them then becomes something of a guilt trip for them rather than a hunting one.

Simply put, men are more inclined towards accomplishing a pending sense of victory, while women tend to emotionally interact with everything, relating to things with respect to their personal lives. While there is nothing wrong with how most men and women process their thought cycle, marriage demands emotional attachment from both sides to make it work successfully.

The Key – Understanding and Compassion

Although emotional behavior of a man and woman is something that drastically differs from one another, it does not mean both parties cannot ever agree on mutual grounds. When a couple tries to understand each other’s differences, empathy and compassion automatically makes way. Once you grasp the idea that both you and your partner have the right to think differently, you can find a center point where both of your concerns are acknowledged and acted upon accordingly.

Building Emotional Connection with Women in Marriage

Now that we have firmly established why men and women react differently to all situations, there are some essential things that need to be understood by men if they want to contribute to their marital relationship successfully. Keeping your wives happy and in an emotionally secure relationship may seem like a challenging task.  The truth is that it is one of the easiest things to do, especially after understanding the differences between you and your partner.

Here are eight ways how you can build (or rebuild) an emotional connection with your partner adequately:

1- Communicate with Each Other

Good communication is the key element to a successful marriage. Ideally, the conversations between you and your partner should involve an equal amount of sharing. However, you should not limit yourself to the matters that you both agree on. Instead, you must encourage talks that can make way for healthy conflicts.

Despite what many people think, conflicts are a necessary part of all relationships because they start the kind of talks where you need to open your mind and understand your partner’s thought process. These conversations are the first best thing for taking your emotional intimacy to the next level.

2- Put Together a Fun To-Do List

Many psychiatrists recommend married couples to put together a list of activities that they like doing together. This way, they can carve out time to engage in fun activities while building memories and experiences that strengthen their emotional bonding.

If it has been a long time since you did something fun with your partner, remember what you did together when you were courting your wife before marriage. However, do not forget to explore new activities as well to add the element of mystery in your relationship.

3- Find the Balance Between Self and Couple

While it is essential to explore the things that put you and your partner in a jolly mood, it is equally important to respect each other’s hobbies, social life, and professional priorities. Too much togetherness can end up casting a negative impact in your married life, so make sure you and your partner are getting into a self-care routine that is just as strong as your emotional bonding!

4- Allow Yourself and Your Partner to be Authentic

If you want to sincerely connect with your wife, then you will need to be more honest and emotionally vulnerable while communicating with her. The same goes for your partner, as she may also crave a genuine bonding with you that is not based on lies. Allow yourself and your partner to be more open with each other, and it will go a long way to make your marriage much healthier and happier.

5- Be Intimate

Understand the true meaning of intimacy, as it goes way beyond a physical relationship. Touching your partner in a way that does not pressure her and showing her affection in the most unpredictable times can create strong ties with your partners. This also allows you to connect with your wife on a deep emotional level that she needs, yet never demands.

6- Small, Yet Meaningful Gestures

You do not need to make mega gestures for building an emotional connection with your partner. Often, women appreciate the occasional bouquet of roses or a surprise weekend getaway with their husbands to make them feel like royalty. Even pouring your wife a glass of wine as she starts dinner preparation can leave a loving note in her mind, strengthening your bond with her.

7- Just be There

Nothing can deepen the emotional connection with your wife more than going through a tough time together. Even when you think it’s not a big deal, you should try your best to be with your partner at all steps, so she knows you will always be there for her no matter what happens.

8- Be Emotionally Present

Lastly, do not allow yourself to settle into a fixed routine, such as spending away your weekend’s bingeing on the latest Netflix series or drinking at a club. While there is nothing wrong with engaging in these activities, it is better not to make it a habit. Instead, you should indulge in activities that can help you build an emotional connection with your partner and be present for her.

If you feel your emotional relationship is heading south, you may also want to seek help from an experienced relationship coach. While it is possible to grow apart in a relationship, it is also in your hands to resolve your marriage life problems with a little bit of dedication, time, and sincere effort!

If you would like to speak with an experienced Marriage Coach, about any other challenges or obstacles facing your marriage we offer a variety of resources for couples or you can contact us for a FREE Consultation.  Pick up a copy of our book “How Communicating Saved Our Marriage”.

By Antonio & Laura Moore, Relationship & Marriage Coach – October 16, 2020 Marriage Means Moore Inc.  All Rights Reserved #builtmarriagetough
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