This article is NOT for women – but YES, your wife wants you to take the lead!

In fact, this article isn’t for the guys or men who already have what it takes to be a true leader already figured out.  This article is specifically for the guys who are dropping the ball and are not being effective leaders in their relationships, marriages or homes. It is for the men who, because of their lack of know-how or slacking, have forced their girlfriends and wives to step up and lead the family.

Now, when I encourage you men to take the lead, I don’t mean take it from someone else. I am suggesting that you step up and take the lead in your personal reality. So, when I say to a man “you are the leader of your family”, I’m not saying that women are not leaders. It is simply my challenge the men.  There is a difference between authority and leadership.  Authority is what God gives. Leadership is what man does with that gift.

A Call to Action for Men

Guys stop forcing your wife or girlfriend to be the leader because you lack initiative or self-discipline. I am the first to admit there are a lot of women who are stronger than men.  I say this because while their men or husbands check out on the family, the woman steps up to the mantle of management … because if she doesn’t who will?

As a guy who was raised by a single mom, I’ve seen the power and love demonstrated by a strong woman leading our family. This article is not a call to action for women because they have already stepped up. The primary problem in marriages isn’t a lack of leadership on the part of women, it is their men.

He won’t help with the children. He won’t take care of the money. He won’t lead or pray with us. His friends are more important than his family.  Now, these are not popular statements among men. In fact, as a relationship & marriage coach I rarely hear this excuse as the reason for why their women left them. I do, however, hear this message loud and clear from the women who have already left. They couldn’t fix it by themselves … They desperately wished their men would have taken responsibility and took the leadership role in their families.

Yes, your wife wants you to take the lead!

What does taking the lead really means?

  • She’s not looking to be dominated and bossed around.
  • She’s not looking for a know it all man.
  • She’s not looking for a micro-manager.
  • She’s not looking for someone who’s constantly hurt, resentful, angry or disappointed.

 So, what type of leader is she looking for?

  • She’s looking for a MAN who is strong enough to be vulnerable and communicate about the most important things.
  • She’s looking for a man who is confident enough to set a direction for the family and keep everybody moving forward.
  • She’s looking for a man who is brave enough to do the right thing even when it’s tough.
  • She’s looking for a man who has thick enough skin to not take things personally.

As a relationship coach, I have lots of conversations about keeping commitments in marriages. Men being a better leader in the family is a regular topic of conversation whether my client is a man or woman.  And because I work with men and women, I hear both sides of the story.  I have heard what she wants, and I have heard what he wants to be, enough times that I have developed my own strong opinions about what husbands and men must do to be effective leaders in their homes.

Regardless of how passive or dominant a woman is, she has a deep desire to be led by a caring, righteous man.  Yes, your wife wants you to take the lead!

Here are 3 simple steps you can put into action today. Step up and become a strong leader in your family:

  1. Create family and individual goals. As a family, make written goals about what you want to accomplish this month/quarter/year. Some goals can be for the family, like taking weekend trips, family activities, being healthier, etc.… as well as individual goals for each family member. Even young kids should have goals.
  2. Hold family meetings.  Meet once a week to discuss what’s working, what’s not working, create a family calendar for the coming week, and any other important topics.  Make weekly commitments to your family about quality time together, chores, etc…  and ask to be held accountable.  Then, once a month review the family goals and check-in on how everybody is progressing, what they are struggling with and what support they need.
  3. Lead by example. You are a role model for the family. If you take care of your fitness, if you keep your commitments, if you take time to sacrifice for your wife and your kids, they will do the same.

Remember, EVERYTHING is a leadership issue. If your family has drama, isn’t healthy, and is always running from thing to thing, stressed out and frazzled, look in the mirror. It’s on you!  There is no greater responsibility and honor than your role as husband and father.  Men, if you lead, they will follow. If you don’t lead, you will have problems. Your wife will be just one of them… Yes, your wife wants you to step up and take the lead – so start today!

by Antonio Moore, CEOMarriage Means Moore, Inc.

December 17, 2019

Need to talk with a professional relationship coach? Contact Marriage Means Moore for a FREE Consultation!


  1. Glad you fixed the website. I loved this article and have shared it with others. Now let me get to reading your other gems!

  2. Thanks so much for stopping by and chiming in, we sincerely appreciate your perspective.

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