When and Why to See a Marriage Coach

Aug 27, 2020How to Save Marriage, Marriage Coaching, Relationship Tips0 comments

When and Why to See a Marriage Coach

Everything you have learned to this point in your life someone taught you how to do it. From mounting a bike to learning how to spell or indeed drive – it was learned from instruction. However, when it comes to intimate relationships who prepared for them?  Who taught you how to communicate, solve conflicts, or even manage a household?

Being in love does not necessarily mean you are ready for marriage.  As crazy as it may sound to those who have not experienced it, those who have; understand how magical it feels when you finally meet the right person.  You can’t wait to live your love story and begin your happily ever after right.   However, after the wedding relationships do not always turn out the way couples expected.

This is why relationship experts advise against rushing into serious relationships.  Because we know that marriage is where fairy-tales end and real life begins.  You see, fairy-tales show the magic of romance, but they do not tell you anything about real life after marriage.  They do not tell you that relationships take time to grow, and they need to be nurtured with love, care, and compassion.

Marriage is a Lifelong Commitment

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and while it is a beautiful relationship; it also has its own set of challenges.  Therefore, it is wise to not rush into marriage unless you know what you are stepping into and a hundred percent sure that you are prepared for the challenges it will bring. However, this does not always happen – so now what?  It is common for couples to feel the urge to take their relationship ahead when they are head over heels in love (or at least, they feel they are), thanks to the increasing hormones, only to realize later that marriage is not all about romance.

As couples start to build a life together they quickly discover the challenges of everyday living. What we like to call “life’s distractions“.  You see it is common for couples to notice more differences in their personalities, opinions, and behaviors after they start living together.  Many couples struggle to work through these differences and may ignore them for years.  They literally decide right then whether they are going to fight-face-light or freeze.

This is where a marriage coach can help!

What is a Marriage Coach?

A marriage coach is a relationship expert who helps couples build a strong marriage.  From helping clients set a strong foundation for starting and building their married life; to providing the right tools and approaches to deal with communication issues, resolving conflicts, a marriage coach will teach you have a successful marriage.  Just like a basketball coach can help you win a game…a marriage coach can help you win in marriage!

How is Marriage Coaching Different from Marriage Counseling?

Many people often use the terms ‘marriage coaching’ and ‘marriage counseling‘ the same. While both the concepts are built on the same premise, i.e., to help couples make their relationship work, the focus and approaches are totally different.  Marriage counseling focuses on addressing past hurts and issues at hand. It aims to identify factors that created problems in a relationship and how couples can heal from past hurts and move past the problems at hand to make their relationship work.

However, marriage coaching focuses on helping couples build a desirable future by evaluating their relationship, identifying their issues, and finding real solutions that work.  A marriage or relationship coach facilitates partners in building a desirable future together by focusing on improving their current relationship. Unlike marriage counseling, coaching does not dig into the past.

Marriage coaching is goal-oriented. It helps couples identify their goals and then assist them in achieving those goals in a specific time. Who needs marriage coaching?  Ideally, every couple should see a marriage coach before or soon after tying the knot.

What if our Relationship is not Struggling!

Most couples do not reach out for help until they are faced with large issues, the problems they fail to resolve on their own. This is the reactive approach. It’s just like the traditional approach to healthcare where most people go to a doctor only when they experience a health problem or after they have developed a disease. Just like how a doctor only focuses on treating the problem(s) at hand, a marriage counselor or a couple’s therapist addresses the issues a couple faces.

The practice of marriage coaching, on the other hand, is built on the preventive approach. It aims to help couples to avoid major problems and conflicts in their relationship. After all, every couple is bound to have at least some small issues. A marriage coach’s role can be considered similar to that of a fitness coach or trainer since they help the couple avoid problems by improving their relationship’s health.

Just like how a fitness trainer designs a program to keep their clients fit and healthy, a relationship coach designs a program to help couples keep their relationship healthy and flourishing. Like a sports coach, a marriage coach gives the couple the encouragement, tools  and support to give their best.  Marriage coaches show couples how not to lose hope or get discouraged by minor setbacks.

Why Would we See a Marriage Coach?

Seeking marriage coaching before or soon after getting married is one of the best things you can do to pursue a healthy and happy relationship. Contrary to how some people perceive it, seeing a marriage coach doesn’t mean the two people are incompatible and trying hard to make their relationship work. Instead, it shows their love for each other. It shows how much they value their relationship that they are taking preventive measures to make sure it doesn’t get ruined.

To sum up, a marriage coach can help couples improve and grow as individuals and as a team, along with strengthening their relationship even if it’s already strong and healthy.

4 Ways a Marriage Coach Can Help Improve Your Relationship

Here are some ways a marriage coach can help improve and strengthen the bond between you and your partner:

1.     Coach You Discover Your Strengths

No human being is perfect. We all have our flaws and weaknesses, and we all are prone to making mistakes. When two imperfect human beings start to live together and share their lives, a few disagreements and conflicts are bound to happen. It’s only natural. As a result of these disagreements or differences of opinions or behaviors, the relationship that they share goes through ups and downs, at least until they find common ground or learn to work through their differences peacefully. A marriage coach can help you do this without going through a long trial-and-error phase.

Since marriage coaches are trained professionals, they know that every couple and relationship has its strengths and weaknesses. They help couples identify their strengths and build their relationship on them and not let their differences weaken their bond. A marriage coach helps you figure out what makes your relationship beautiful and different from others.

2.     Coach You on Better Ways to Deal with Problems

While marriage coaching’s primary task is to help couples avoid conflicts and build a strong, successful relationship, this doesn’t mean that a marriage coach will give you some magic trick to avoid problems completely. As mentioned above, a few disagreements and even fights are only natural. Many experts think that these are the signs of a healthy relationship.

Marriage coaches teach you better ways to deal with your problems so that they won’t escalate into bigger, irreconcilable issues. They teach couples the best ways to handle conflicts, arguments, fights, and other emotionally challenging situations. A marriage coach teaches couples how not to let problems weaken their bond.

Marriage coaching is about getting your emotional toolbox filled with useful problem-solving tools.  From communication and conflict resolution skills to learning the best ways to use some new tools – it is a lifetime investment!

3.     Support You with Real Solutions

We all need support at almost every stage of life. It becomes all the more important when you’re going through a difficult phase. A marriage coach ensures that this support is available to couples taking their relationship a step further and getting married (or have already been married). They also guide couples on how to make their married life successful and deal with crises, if and when they occur.

However, a marriage coach never takes control in their own hands. Instead, they make you take charge of your relationship and the responsibly of making it strong and successful. They keep track of your performance, help you identify your mistakes, and hold you accountable for your attitude, behavior, and/or action. Still, they make you take the lead of your relationship. A marriage coach supports and guides you and not directs you or dictates you.

4.     Marriage Coaches Help you See What you Have Overlooked

When in disagreement or conflict with your partner, we often get blindfolded by our own personal values, beliefs, and opinions. Since your viewpoints are often the result of your past experiences, they are subjective and can be biased sometimes.

When both parties in a conflicting struggle with these issues, they can come to a standstill, making it difficult to find a resolution because both believe that they are right. In such situations, having someone who can give you an impartial opinion and help you see things how they are is a huge blessing. A marriage coach offers just that!

Since a marriage coach is an outside party, they can offer a neutral perspective to couples. They can tell how their relationship looks from the outside. A marriage coach can also offer a new, fresh perspective regarding an issue a couple may be facing, and it can help you see things differently. A change in perspective can also often help find new ways of conflict resolution.

Marriage coaching can also help you set aside your grudges or negative perceptions and view your partner’s stance on a situation objectively, if not positively.

When Should You See a Marriage Coach?

Couples should ideally seek marriage coaching either before or within one year after getting married. It will help lay strong foundations for their new life and ensure that they begin this new journey with the right frame of mind and a positive approach. Marriage coaching arms couples with the knowledge and tools to make their marriage work and keep it healthy.

Seeing a Marriage Coach Will Be One of Your Best Investments!

If you have found the right person, you should not let them go from your life over small differences or issues. Even the most ideal couples do not agree on everything; it’s something humanly impossible. They also have arguments and fights, but they know how to overcome their differences and resolve conflicts without weakening their bond. You should learn to do the same. And marriage coaching can help you with it.

Therefore, if there’s a person in your life your heart connects with and you both have decided to spend the rest of your life together, it’s only wise to invest time and effort in nurturing that bond and strengthen your relationship with virtual marriage coaching.

Whether you’re planning to get married or have already tied the knot, whether you’re having problems or want to adopt a proactive approach towards your special relationship, Marriage Means Moore can help you! We offer different types of coaching services to help you achieve your specific goals.


By Antonio & Laura Moore  – August 26, 2020 © Marriage Means Moore –  All Rights Reserved

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