Bring the spark back into your relationship this summer with romance and rekindle your intimacy. Summer is a great time to renew your romance and intimacy. It’s a time of fun and excitement, when many couples spend time together and get to know each other better. There are no rules about how to make new, special memories. Just spend time with each other and show how much you love each other.
Michael and Marcie have been married for eight years, and throughout that time, they’ve welcomed three children into the world. They spend much of their time talking about work, chores, the activities that their children are involved in, and the humdrum features of their stagnant marriage.
Marcie expresses her feelings about Michael in the following way: “I love Michael, but the passion just isn’t there anymore.”
When Marcie reveals this startling information, Michael reacts by saying, “I truly did believe that we were doing okay. Even though we don’t have sex as much as we used to, I feel that this is just a phase we’re going through right now. When I finally lay down for the night, I don’t have any strength or vitality left in me.
Most couples lose passion for each other and stop being sexually intimate because they fall into a routine of one person being the pursuer and the other person being the distancer. When one partner is mean and critical, the other usually gets defensive and pulls away.
Dr. John Gottman’s study on thousands of couples showed that couples who get stuck in this pattern in the first few years of marriage have a more than 80% chance of getting a divorce in the first four to five years.
During the early years of their marriage, Marcie and Michael displayed a fiery devotion to one another. Nevertheless, during the past few years, they have experienced a decline in their sex life, and they spend very little time together without their children. Marcie pursues Michael for sexual intimacy, but Michael frequently withdraws from her advances. Summer is a wonderful season to renew the spark of passion and intimacy in your relationship. It’s the season for excitement and new experiences, when many married couples get closer by spending more time together. There are no guidelines to follow when it comes to the process of making fresh and memorable moments; all you need to do is prioritize the time you spend together and the affection you feel for one another.
There are a lot of different approaches that you may take in order to bring intimacy back to the forefront of your relationship.
START DATING AGAIN THIS SUMMER
The warm weather of summer provides the ideal setting for a fresh start in your dating life. When the temperature is pleasant, there are a plethora of wonderful opportunities for dates, which means there will be a wide variety of possibilities available for joint pursuits. There is a plethora of exciting things that you and your friend may do together, whether you want to go to a concert in the park or get ice cream at your favorite hangout from college, there are plenty of opportunities. Find additional advice in our post titled “4 Reasons Why Relationships are Hard to Maintain,” which you can read here.
PROMOTE EMOTIONAL CONNECTIONS AND INTIMACY
If you’ve been feeling distant from your spouse for a while, taking the time to reconnect with them on an emotional level is a vital step toward rekindling the physical intimacy you formerly shared. When two people in a relationship have genuine emotional intimacy with one another, they have the sense that they know one other on the most fundamental level possible. There is a stunning sense of mutual understanding between the two of you that you simply cannot find with anyone else.
Emotional connection and intimacy are the building blocks of a good sexual relationship. In other words, if you want your physical relationship to get better, you need to work on your emotional bond first. Focus on meeting your partner’s wants and talking about your own in a loving, respectful way.
CHECK IN ON YOUR PERSONAL EMOTIONAL STABILITY.
The ability to feel comfortable emotionally is a vital component in developing intimacy in a marriage. If there have been wounds in your relationship that have persisted for a long time or if you’ve been feeling like roommates, then you need to evaluate the state of your emotional safety. How do both of you feel about the prospect of spending time together? What kinds of things can you do to make each other feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable? Within the article entitled “Resolve the Intimacy Issues in Your Relationship Today.
DO MORE IN THE BEDROOM
If at all feasible, you should try to spend more time in bed with your partner. It is true that the phases of the year will have an effect on your sexual life, so if you are able to, try to focus on purposefully increasing the amount of physical intimacy you have during summer. Don’t take this portion of the process too seriously; adding more intimacy to your marriage may be a humorous and pleasant experience. In the article titled “Secrets To Reigniting the Spark in a Relationship,” we discuss some advice that can help make this a reality.
REST TOGETHER
The summertime is not solely comprised of a time of uninterrupted activity. It is also a wonderful time to get some much-needed relaxation. It’s possible that you just finished up an especially hectic period in your life. It’s be that all you need is some relaxation to rediscover the intimacy in your relationships. Nap for extended periods of time together. Take your time and enjoy the stroll. Take a seat together and watch some of your favorite shows back to back. No matter what you select, making rest a priority might help you approach your intimacy with a more fresh perspective.
RECONNECT AGAIN
Invest some time in getting to know one another on a more profound level by working through a relationship evaluation together, such as SYMBIS (Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts). An evaluation can assist you in getting back on track this summer if you feel as though you’ve been off track over the past few years and want to make up for lost ground. SYMBIS will assist you in delving deeply into aspects of yourself such as your personalities, talking styles, fighting styles, deepest longings, and a great deal more. Take the test here for only $80 if you’re interested.
10 Tips for Summer Romance: Rekindle Your Intimacy
1. Change the way you usually start sex.
Maybe you’re not giving your partner enough attention or you’re too forward. Stop picking on each other and playing the “blame game.” Change things up to stop the fight for power. For example, a distancer might want to practice starting sex more often, while a pursuer might try to find subtle ways to tell their partner “you’re hot” while avoiding criticism and requests to be close.
2. Hold hands more often
Holding hands, kissing, and touching can release oxytocin, which makes people feel calm. Studies have shown that it is also released when a person is orgasming. Also, physical love lowers stress hormones, like cortisol, which makes you feel less stressed.
3. Let things get tense
When we wait longer for a treat, our brains enjoy it more. So, during foreplay, take your time, talk about your dreams, move around, and make sex more sweet.
4. Keep sexual intimacy separate from everyday life.
Plan time for intimacy and try not to talk about relationship issues or chores in the bedroom. When we’re busy and worried, our sexual desire goes down.
5. Make time for your partner.
Try different things that will make you both happy. Have fun dating, and flirting is a great way to spark sexual desire and intimacy. “Everything good you do for your partner is foreplay,” says Dr. Gottman.
6. Pay attention to loving touch
Offer to rub your partner’s shoulders or back. People usually think of foreplay as the time before a sexual encounter, but affectionate touch is a powerful way to show and reignite love, even if you’re not the touchy-feely type.
7. Try to be more mentally open when you have sex.
Tell your partner about your deepest dreams, thoughts, and wants. Consider individual or couple’s coaching if you’re afraid of having a discussion about intimacy.
8. Don’t stop being interested in sexual intimacy.
Try out new things to do to make each other happy. Think of sex as a way to learn more about your partner over time.
9. Try different kinds of sex.
Have sex that is gentle, loving, personal, and very erotic. As your sexual needs change, change up your schedule and try new things.
10. Give sex a lot of attention
Set the scene for intimacy before work or TV makes you lose interest. With a light meal, your best music, and a glass of wine, you can have great sex. Even if you are not a touchy-feely person, showing more physical affection and mental attunement can help you keep a deep, meaningful bond.
The good news is that if you let your partner change you, the spark you once had can come back. In fact, friendship is the glue that can keep a marriage together. You may rekindle the intimacy this summer but do not forget February is the month of love too.
Marriage & Relationship Coaching
Lastly, it’s one of the best options to talk it out with a relationship coach when you’re looking to figure out how to rekindle your intimacy this summer. At Marriage Means Moore, you can get your first appointment scheduled with us today and watch your relationship get back on track within 90 days!
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