From arguments and fights to blame-games and criticism, there are so many things that have the ability to destroy the very foundation of relationships and marriages. In all those things, the EGO is said to be the one problem that kills the best of relationships faster than anything else.
It is also your worst enemy that’s always lurking in the shadows, no matter what you are doing or where you go.
Marriage is never easy, and it certainly isn’t a walk in the park. There are good times where you create cherishable memories with your loved one, but there will also be bad times when you feel like everything is falling apart.
What Is the EGO, Anyway?
If you were to describe EGO quite literally, it’s a person’s sense of self-importance and self-esteem. However, when you look at it under a reality-based lens, it is basically a person’s self-entitlement that wants them to have things done their way. It is the belief that you are superior to the other person and that everything should be about ‘You.’
It is a part of an individual’s identity that makes them who they are. This also suggests that we all have an EGO. However, when we don’t control it, things can go downhill within the blink of an eye.
Every human being has two opposing forces inside them that are always battling or working against each other: EGO and LOVE. Each force brings its own agenda with it. If your EGO goes unchecked, it creates a plethora of negative feelings, such as jealousy, hatred, fear, anger, and resentment, to name a few.
People often justify their EGO by calling it ‘confidence.’ However, what they don’t know is the fact that there’s a world of difference between the two things. Confidence is a healthy trait and promotes positivity, but EGO is simply destructive and can affect your marriage in the worst possible ways.
When Too Much EGO Affects Your Marriage
There’s a popular saying or belief that says, “Too much EGO will kill your talent.’ And it will, but more than that, it will kill your relationships and even destroy your life.
You might not realize it, but there are hundreds of ways in which having a big EGO can affect your marriage.
It Pushes Your Partner Away
People often say that marriage is another name for compromise, which needs to come from both the partners in the relationship. However, if you decide to let EGO take the lead, it will end up pushing your partner away from you. The main reason why that happens is your EGO gives you a sense of superiority. This often results in you tearing the other person down and making them feel like you are so much better than them.
So, eventually, it is likely to push your loved ones away from you because no one wants to be around those who constantly belittle them or make them feel inferior. Your partner wants you to lift them up, not put them down.
It Makes You Less Kind and Compassionate
When you act all high and might and think too much of yourself, your EGO is basically trying to trample over the force of love, which tends to blind you from seeing the big picture. It creates a deep belief in your head that your partner is the one who’s wrong, and you might even get extremely defensive sometimes.
As a result of this, you never want to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, and you end up thinking that your partner is trying to attack you, whereas, in reality, nothing like that is happening. In such situations, you become less kind, compassionate, and caring, and you let your negative emotions and feelings take advantage of you.
EGO – It Kills the Happiness and Love In Your Relationship
No matter how strong the bond of love is between you and your partner, too much EGO will always win and crush all that love and happiness. It ends up taking away all the good in your life and your relationships – by the end of it, there’s actually no good left between you and your partner. You will always find yourself fighting with them, thinking too much of yourself, and looking down on them even when they haven’t done anything. By the time you remove the blindfold from your eyes and come to terms with reality, all the beauty of your marriage will have gone far, far away.
EGO – It Makes You Lose Touch With Reality
One of the worst outcomes of EGO in a marriage is that it makes one lose touch with reality. It prevents you from understanding what’s true and what isn’t true and doesn’t let you hear the person out.
For example, think of a situation where you and your partner get in a fight over something wrong that you did. You fight with them because you think that they wronged you and they try to tell you that they actually haven’t done anything. Deep inside, you might even know that it’s you who is at fault, but because your EGO gets in the way, you are unable to get in touch with reality.
It Creates Unrealistic Expectations
When a relationship as sensitive and delicate as marriage gets stained with EGO, there are times when one person starts expecting too much from the other. They create these unrealistic expectations which they feel that they truly deserve. Think of it as a kind of entitlement that makes one assume that it’s theirs, and they have completely earned it.
When something like this happens, you start believing that the other person owes you a whole lot of things. But in actuality, it’s just all in your head because your EGO is making you believe that since you are so superior, the other person should be, too. As a result of this, you tend to have these ridiculous expectations from your partner, and when they fail to live up to them, you feel like they’ve wronged you in some way or the other.
Signs There is Too Much EGO In Your Relationship
There are times when you don’t realize how EGOtistical you are, which makes you keep displaying unhealthy, irrational behaviors that ultimately destroy your marriage.
That’s how EGO affects relationships; it’s clever, cunning, and almost crafty, which is why you end up losing touch with reality.
However, there are many obvious signs that indicate the presence of too much EGO in your marriage, and you must look out for them
Constant Blame Games
Your EGO loves to criticize others and blame for things that they haven’t even done. If you are constantly involved in blame games where you accuse your partner of every little thing that happens in your relationship, it’s a sign that you need a reality check.
The manipulation from your EGO prevents you from taking responsibility for your actions, and you keep reprimanding your partner. During all this, your EGO is strongly controlling your relationship, and there comes a point where you fail to step back, analyze the situation, and realize that you are the one who is at fault.
In other words, your EGO loves to feed off of blame games and criticizing those around you.
Sense of Superiority and Entitlement
This probably doesn’t come as a surprise, but too much EGO makes one feel like they are better than everyone in this world.
Simple acts like saying sorry to your partner, taking the initiative to do something, or admitting your mistake are too ‘beneath you,’ as a result of which, you start believing that you are entitled to the same things from your partner.
Jealousy and Insecurity
We all know about the green-eyed monster and its great abilities to add fuel to the fire in a relationship. The presence of EGO in your marriage tends to make you jealous and insecure, and well, EGO is known to feed on lack of acceptance and self-worth.
This jealousy and insecurity make you want to constantly ridicule your partner, compare your relationship with that of others, and put them down all the time.
The worst part is that you start questioning your marriage – even your partner – and your EGO keeps building it further to the point where your relationship comes to a standstill, and there’s no going back.
The constant blame games eventually transform into endless criticism, where your EGO starts to adopt the role of a one-person critic and makes you criticize every single aspect about your partner as well as your marriage.
The worst that happens here is that your inner critic turns into an external commentator, and there comes a point where you begin to criticize your partner out loud at every chance you get. Initially, you might just do it in your head, but soon enough, it becomes a regular, daily thing for you.
Everything Becomes a Competition
There should always be healthy competition in marriages where both partners strive to compete in a healthy manner, such as being the better version of themselves. However, if it turns into this unhealthy, toxic competition where you are always competing over who did what or who hurt the other person more, it’s a sign that you’ve given too much room to EGO in your relationship. And when EGO lives, your relationship will die, and that’s a fact we can’t overlook.
Defeat Your EGO and Save Your Marriage
The simple way to save your marriage from EGO is to start treating EGO like an actual enemy. Once you realize how harmful and toxic EGO is for your marriage, you will eventually kill it with the force of love.
But the question that arises here is, how does one really do that?
Practice the Art of Letting Go of the EGO
If you really wish to control your EGO and save your marriage, you must practice the art of letting go.
You know how they say, ‘forgiveness is the attribute of the strong’?
Learn it by heart and implement it in your life. Forgiveness is the most powerful of all tools, and once you get the hang of it, you will be able to let go of your EGO. When you forgive and forget, you automatically create space in your life, relationship, and your heart for happiness, optimism, empathy, and love.
If your partner does you wrong, forgive them. If you wrong your partner, forgive yourself.
Give Up the Desire to Control
Our EGO can make us too controlling because, at the same time, it’s also controlling us. It is essential that you break free and don’t let it control you, and once you do that, there will be nothing but happiness, love, and compassion.
Stop Defending Yourself
When EGO takes the lead in a relationship, it turns on your ‘defensive mode,’ and even a simple conversation with your partner can make you feel like you are being attacked. Eventually, you end up fighting with your partner and try to defend yourself when things spiral a little out of control.
In reality, it’s actually your EGO defending itself. So, one way to defeat your EGO is to turn off your defensive mode every time you have a fight with your partner and try to hear them out. Listen to what the other person is saying because it will help you make sense of the situation at hand without your EGO manipulating you into doing the opposite.
Be Open and Honest
Ever heard the saying, “the truth will set you free”?
It’s actually quite true because when you’re honest with yourself and the others, you will be able to connect and communicate better. EGO tends to blind you and even makes you lie your way through things. It makes you do things you don’t want to do, and be someone that you aren’t.
If you want to live a happy life with your partner, be open and honest with them, no matter how hard or bitter the truth it.
Are You Ready to Fight Your EGO and Save Your Marriage?
The battle against your EGO is surely a tough one, but it’s worth your energy because, at the end of the day, it’s about saving your relationship and paving the way towards a happy marriage with your special someone.
Let us help save your marriage and break free from the evil EGO!