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Creating a Mature Relationship With Your Partner

Love is only the first of many steps to creating a mature relationship with your partner. While working towards a genuine long-term relationship, life always finds a way of reminding us that nothing is ever simple when it comes to matters of the heart.

We assume most marriage troubles can be traced to one or both of the spouses being immature. Marriage is a partnership with two people having different, however equally important, roles in the home. Constantly making an attempt to teach, motivate, correct, and direct your partner has the impact of developing a father/daughter or mother/son marriage.

It does no longer enable for every person’s skills to shine through; rather, the dominant partner is attempting to change their companion into into his or her very own image.   Just because one partner is immature does not imply that he or she will take kindly to being dealt with like a child. Adults can throw worse tantrums than kids.

Romantic Relationships

We like to think of our romantic relationships as solid. Unfortunately, we fail to realize that they work more like seasons, transitioning with each phase of our lives.  The fact is that your relationship with your partner never stays the same. However, it doesn’t have to change for the worse. This transformation is defined by the actions you take for turning an immature partnership into a mature one.

As we figure out life and learn what we need from it, our relationships and the expectations we have from them transform with us. There is a reason why relationships we build in our teenage years don’t usually last.  We repeatedly try until coming to a stage when all hope of having lasting, meaningful companionship seems to be lost. The passionate, volatile love affairs that we seem to be looking for only comfort us in the present. In contrast, an actual relationship gives us this comfort at all times.

Several things can define a relationship’s maturity. Primarily, an adult relationship requires you to cultivate your love-life decisions based on the big picture as you break free of your childish patterns.  Being in a mature relationship allows you to feel the instinctual gratification that comes knowing the best is yet to come even if what you have now feels more than satisfactory. That’s because the factor of maturity only adds to the value of your relationship, boosting it to the next level. The key is to be patient while you watch your love bloom in all seasons.

Signs of Immature Relationship

Fighting the challenges in an unstable or immature relationship is nothing less than exhausting. However, it can change once we recognize the unhealthy pieces of our relationship and make decisions accordingly. Here is what you may be experiencing if you are going through an immature relationship that needs immediate changes:

1. Zero Meaningful Communication

You and your partner might be talking to each other, but you need to evaluate if meaningful communication is a part of it. By meaningful communication, we mean expressing your thoughts and what you feel to your partner confidently.

If that is not the case, this is a sign of an immature relationship because it proves you are not communicating about the things that matter in long-term partnerships.

2- No Future Plans

When you are invested in a long and loving relationship with your partner, it is only natural to make future plans together. However, when you’re bound in a connection that’s not going anywhere, these plans don’t become part of your daily conversation. Without any future planning, your decisions and actions are mostly impulsive with no considerations of future hardships whatsoever.

3- Unconstructive Arguments

Immature partners manipulate conflict as a weapon rather than using it in a way to understand their partner’s perspectives. When you stop analyzing your juvenile behavior and forget the differences between right and wrong, every situation turns into an unconstructive argument or a fight between partners.

4- Superficial Expectations

Immature relationships are based on superficial expectations. The couples who only believe in face value are usually those stereotypical fake partners on social media who look perfect from the outside but are nearly broken from the inside.

5- Looking in the Rearview Mirror

Many immature couples keep reflecting on their past relationships or even their parents’ unsuccessful associations.  We call this looking in the rearview mirror – if you never look forward you will continue to crash.  This line of thinking keeps them from moving forward in their current partnership. However, they need to understand that there’s no looking backward when moving on to a positive life.

6- No Accountability

The inability to take responsibility for your actions is a part of an immature relationship. The couples in such circumstances don’t admit to their wrongdoings, blaming others for their unjust actions. This behavior is toxic to both parties and limits the partnership in several ways, as it increases unnecessary conflicts and hinders their connection on a personal level.

7- Walking Away

In immature relationships, people tend to give up and walk away from their partners at the first sign of danger. Their unwillingness to work out a plan with their partners is a clear sign that the relationship is not leading them anywhere. This juvenile behavior can be clearly identified when you see your partner leaving you in the middle of the argument or a challenging situation, choosing to flee rather than fight.

8- Unfair Priorities

Adult mature relationships are those in which both partners know how to manage their schedules, meeting all the social and personal commitments without fail. However, people in an immature relationship don’t understand their partner’s needs, putting everyone else before them and taking them for granted. This excuse for making unfair priorities ultimately corrupts our ideas on how to love and build lives together.

9- Insecurity

Insecurity is one of the characteristic signs of a partnership lying way inside the immature zone. This behavior typically results from a lack of trust between partners; they expect to be cheated on and being abandoned once they form an attachment.

Needing physical proximity from your partner 24/7 is a clear sign of an insecure relationship. Such behaviors eventually result in a separation between the partners. Insecurities can also be a result of unsuccessful past relationships. However, that is not enough of an excuse to forgive your partner’s behavior.

10- Punishing

Punishing your partner for their unintentional mistakes is also a sign of an immature relationship. This is an unhealthy way of carrying on a relationship as it eliminates the element of trust from the partnership. It is essential to leave behind your juvenile behavior and never abuse your partners, emotionally or physically, if you want a stable and mature relationship with them.

Creating a Mature Relationship with Your Partner

Maturity is the tendency to stick to a certain situation until it is seen through. It encourages partners to commit to their relationships, thinking of it as ongoing progress, even when the circumstances are far from easy-going. Moreover, establishing a healthy bond with your partner requires you to stop making irrational and juvenile decisions that can prove to be of a destructive nature in the long-term.

Once you know how to encounter the obstacles that hinder your path, you can start building a more stable and satisfying relationship with your partner that lasts a lifetime. Here are some steps you can take to make your relationship mature and lasting:

1- Avoid Making the Wrong Changes

Time changes, and so do people. However, while changes in our personality are unavoidable, establishing a consistent boundary between rights and wrongs is essential. You might want to change for your partner in the long run, but transforming yourself for someone else is wrong if those changes don’t make you happy.

Relationships based on maturity are open to acceptance. So, if you feel uncomfortable reforming a certain aspect of your life, refrain yourself from doing it. Instead, communicate with your partner about how you feel.

Likewise, your partner might not always want to change according to your likes and dislikes. You need to establish that you and your partner know how to converse about your hard limits when it comes to life changes.

2- Find a Healthy Balance

It is not enough to get along with your partner romantically if managing other parts of your life are becoming frustrating for you with time. A healthy relationship requires you to find a balance between your love, personal, professional, and social life in a way that doesn’t disturb your partner’s routine.

On the other hand, if you are managing your life efficiently, keeping all your life aspects separate from one another, this is a sign you are in a mature relationship that’s going in the right direction.

3- Address Your Needs

While it can’t always be comfortable to face your problems and communicate about your needs truthfully, it is a necessary measure for a mature relationship. As soon as you realize the troubles brewing in your relationship, address them immediately before they get out of hands.

Similarly, running away from the internal healing can also turn into larger problems between you and your partner if you allow them to fester for a long time. The key is to open up with your partner by making time for each other and communicating about your feelings without pointing fingers or playing blame games.

4- Participate in Healthy Conflicts

Despite what people think, a mature relationship isn’t one in which there are no disagreements whatsoever. In fact, disagreements are unavoidable, even in ideal relationships. While it is unnecessary and disrespectful to fight with your partner using harsh words, real partners still partake in healthy conflicts from time to time.

Every relationship has its problems, and you should discuss them while keeping a rational behavior. If you and your partner are not indulging in these discussions just because it will cause a fight, we suggest attending couples therapy. It may give you an idea about how you can talk with your partner without battling each other.

5- Don’t Rush

Mature relationships progress with time, and forcefully accelerating the speed at which they progress can wreak havoc. You need to stop letting others speak for yourself and take the relationship one step at a time. There’s no need to define which stage comes next and how much time it would take to reach that destination. Instead, it would be best to share your time with your partner and make plans that you both are satisfied with.

6- Trust, Trust, Trust

The base of any mature relationship grows on trust. Constantly doubting your partner’s intentions will rob your relationship of happiness. That’s why you need to know the person you are dating while trusting your instincts rather than listening to your insecure side.

Still, you shouldn’t blindly trust a person from the very first meeting. However, keeping your mind open to the challenges as well as the opportunities will go a long way in establishing a mature and happy relationship.

7- Acts as a Team, Keeping Your Eyes on the Same Prize

While conflicts are an essential part of all relationships, coming to the same decision makes all the difference between an immature relationship and a mature one. The power imbalance is one of the common issues couples deal with, as one person holds more power than the other and makes decisions without the other person’s consent.

However, a healthy way to approach this in a mature relationship is when both partners have the same goal and act as a team, making equal contributions and giving suggestions.

8- Choose Forgiveness

To forgive is not to forget, and you should certainly not disregard your partner’s mistakes as well. However, to move forward, you need to let go of your and your partner’s past hurtful or irresponsible actions. The only way of doing it is by choosing forgiveness rather than clinging to the darkness. It is best to release all the negativity and use your past and current relationship’s mistakes as a guide for long and lasting partnerships.

Relationship Coaching is Essential!

Are you tired of the same old relationship fights and want to figure out where it all went wrong? Speak with an experienced relationship coach and give your relationship the right foundation. Request a free consultation today!

By Antonio & Laura Moore, Marriage & Relationship Coaches October 26, 2020. All Rights Reserved
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