Prioritizing Your Partner | Why It’s Important

Jul 24, 2020How to Save Marriage, Prioritize Your Partner, Relationship Tips2 comments

Prioritizing Your Partner | Why It’s Important

Making your your partner a priority doesn’t mean that you spend every second of every day with them and leave everything else behind. It doesn’t mean that you should not spend time with your friends or have your own life.  Prioritizing your partner and why it’s important should be at the top of your list if you want to have a long lasting healthy relationship.

It is important to make sure that you are prioritizing your partner at every stage in life since it can also enhance your relationship and well-being.  Couples have plenty of excuses when it comes to making their partner a priority. Be it their job, children, or other excuses that become familiar.

What prioritizing your partner basically means is that you make sure that you find some ways to reconnect with your partner on a regular basis.  When you take out time to spend, just the two of you, it can lead to a deeper, more fulfilling connection.

So, Why Is Prioritizing Your Partner Important?

There are plenty of reasons why prioritizing your partner is an important part of a good relationship. The first (and biggest) reason is that not making your partner or spouse a priority is definitely a slippery slope to not having that relationship last long at all.  If we choose our children, work, or any other responsibilities and put the relationship in the back seat, what happens when those responsibilities end?

Yes, there are a lot of things in life that require our attention and are important, but you have to make sure to remember that marriage and relationships are designed to last for a lifetime. There will come a time when your kids have grown up. The load of your work will ease away, or you retire. Your friends will have their own families to cater too. In the end, it will be just you and your partner. Don’t let all the other responsibilities and distractions remove you from the fact that you vowed to handle everything along with your partner.

For example, a lot of couples do attribute their ebbing love life to their children. While kids are definitely an integral priority for parents, you should still try and plan around them. Nobody expects you to take a few vacation days away from the kids but rather find time a few hours weekly to spend alone together with your partner.

It is definitely possible to make time for your partner, but only if you believe they are a priority. It can help you overcome a lot of challenges and obstacles if you have a solid foundation on which your relationship is based upon.  If you continue to wait for things to calm down, you will never get anywhere because things never really do calm down enough.

How to Prioritize Your Partner

A common complaint that we here from so many couples is that a partner feels like they are not important to the other.  The relationship itself just doesn’t seem like a priority since the partner may always be pushed aside for kids, family, friends or even work.  Sometimes, the experience might even feel new since a situation might arise that has you dealing with added workload or a sick parent.

But whatever the case it seems to be, one of the most regular issues is that the couple has probably fallen into a pattern. You both may be feeling disconnected and alone, but the other person may not even be aware. This doesn’t mean that you both may be arguing or fighting a lot, but it doesn’t seem to be going beyond basic small talk or mapping out logistics for the day. You seem to stay stagnant with daily routines and the parallel lives where each of you are simply doing their own separate thing.

However, it is time to change this unnecessary way of thinking. The best way to think about relationships is that you are both responsible for tending to it. You should both be concerned about prioritizing your relationship and stay attentive to each other’s needs.

Here Are a Few Tips To Help You Achieve This Change!

1.      Check-Ins

One thing that couples need to focus on doing is to check in with each other. One common issue is that a partner doesn’t really check up on how the other person is doing. This is just a vital sign of a separate path but different lives from each other.

Try and proactively talk to each other about how you are feeling and doing with your life. Instead of waiting for your partner to ask or getting resentful when they don’t, you should make the first step too. It can be easy to forget to have these conversations because they may not be part of your daily routine. You may even be afraid of the answer you may get. However, these are really important discussions that need to be done.   Even if it feels hard, you should still do it.

2.      Don’t Get Defensive

When a partner starts to complain about something, the first reaction we usually have is to try and avoid the blame by getting defensive. Trying to stack up evidence to win the argument is just another way of trying to argue over who is right and wrong. You may even divulge into an argument about who is more of a victim than the other person.

Yes, it is definitely easier said than done to not be defensive, but you need to work on this issue carefully.  At the end of the day, you did make the other person feel bad enough to complain. You should try your best to see where they are coming from and understand what you need to do to rectify your mistake. This doesn’t mean that you are giving in to your partner, but rather just being a reasonable adult who shouldn’t mind some accountability and reflection.

3.      Don’t Counterattack

Counterattacks can lead to an escalation of the argument to a whole new level.  Don’t let the discussion turn into a struggle for power over each other.  Statements like ‘You always complain about this, but even you do (insert accusation here) and I don’t say anything about that’ can be detrimental to the relationship.

Yes, your complaint is also valid, but not when you are using it to take away your partner’s valid complaint too. You can bring your issue up later when you don’t have this particular problem to deal with. Right now, when your partner is trying to bring up something, you should make an effort to concentrate on those concerns.

4.      Relationship Time

Scheduling “relationship time” is a positive thing that you can add to your relationship. It can be so easy to fall into a routine and begin to drift away. What you need to do is to make sure that you plan date nights, weekend trips, and check-in with each other regularly. You should be attempting to create positive experiences together that can help you balance out the mundane routine activities.  By building shared experiences and good memories, you are actually laying down the foundation for a good relationship. You will also start to look forward to spending time with your partner and connecting with them regularly.

5.      Courtesy, Respect, and Sensitivity

You need to make sure that you are treating your partner with the utmost respect, sensitivity, and courtesy. Prioritizing your partner means that you create a space for them where they feel safe.

It may not be easy to do this in a relationship since you are so comfortable around them and even know how to push their buttons. But when a relationship is under duress, even in small ways, going towards respect and courtesy should be your default action.

Whenever you sense any turmoil in the relationship, you should make sure that the emotional climate adjusts to make sure your partner still feels safe. This doesn’t mean that you just give into what they are saying but rather treating them with care and love always.

6.      Use ‘Yes And’ Rather Than ‘Yes But’

Instead of getting defensive, attempting to control, or trying to negate everything the other person is saying, you should try and add to the conversation. You build on what your partner is saying so that they trust you to take their words with care. Rather than fighting or controlling for power, which can make them feel unsafe, you should be careful about the words you are putting out.

If your partner is saying something or suggesting an idea, try and assume that it comes with good intentions and not ill will. Rather than canceling the idea of the other person, try and go along with it. You can feel free to speak your mind too, but make sure you are adding to it. For example, if your partner suggests going out for some Chinese food, but you really want BBQ, you can say, “Yes, and we can have a BBQ dinner this weekend and even invite the neighbors.”

7.      Having Intimate Conversations

Do not forget that intimacy is very important to your relationship. This includes affection and sex too. But at the very base of it sits communication. It can even be easy to fall into a routine for conversations. For example, you talk about kids, and your partner talks about work, and that’s about it.

Having intimate conversations doesn’t mean that you share some deep secrets but rather just step out of the comfort zone. You may even feel a slight twinge of anxiety, but you should take the risk and still talk about it. By deepening the conversation and not building your expectations, you can reconnect with your partner on a deeper level.

8.      Solving Problems

It can sometimes be a great chance to hold regular ‘team meetings’ with each other when you aren’t angry, drunk, or tired.  When you have planned time to solve problems, you can focus on the issue at hand.  When all your attention is on solving the problem, you will find yourself in a much better place to tackle it.

You should be an adult or even have an agenda in mind. The goal is to focus on solving the problem at hand and nothing else. You can skip the drama and avoid touching up the past. By making your point and staying sane, you can move past the problem while solving it.

9.      Communicate about Communication

If you are having an issue with any of the above steps, you should try and talk about the issue too. Why is it that you are feeling this way? Why do you think you can’t approach certain conversations? What do you feel angry about? What is a possible solution to this? What is your partner doing that is affecting you this way?

It can sometimes feel too overwhelming or difficult since it is definitely a tall-order.  We recommend that you get a relationship or marriage coach to help start the conversation.  Relationship coaches can help you get the discussion going and open the door to better things.  We can also help you look at the underlying problems and issues that may be affecting your relationship. This insight from a third party can make it easier to come to terms with the needs of your partner.

Prioritizing Your Partner | Why It’s Important

The bottom line is we put effort into what is important to us and that includes our partners!  So, if your partner feels ignored this means that they do not feel they are on the top of your priority list.  With a few adjustments this can be changed.

If you are looking for expert help and sound advice with someone who has been married over 26 years, who has also navigated their own marriage through the highs and lows; Marriage Means Moore can help you!  Let us show you how to transform your marriage or relationship from functioning to thriving in 90-days!

Talk to a confidential professional relationship coach by booking your free consultation now!

By Antonio & Laura Moore – July 24, 2020 – Built Marriage Tough –  ©All Rights Reserved.
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  1. Diviyang K Desai

    Nice, is going to help me really

    • Coach Moore

      Great we are happy to learn that learning how to prioritize your partner will be helpful. Please be sure to also follow Marriage Means Moore, Inc. on social media (Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter or TikTok)


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