13 Simple Solutions to End Nagging
Let’s face it nagging is ineffective, and it puts a strain on relationships and marriages. Couples who do not learn how to cope with or eliminate nagging often fall out of love and eventually break up. When couples start fighting about the nagging instead of talking about the problem or solution their relationship is in trouble.
It is important to understand that nagging is disrespectful! It puts you in the parent-child role with your spouse and that cannot be healthy! Conversations between couples don’t start out as arguments, but over time, it’s little habits like interrupting your spouse when they’re talking and nagging that creates communication barriers.
Now, for the record it is not only women who nag! Yes, it is possible for husbands to nag too. However, women are more likely to nag, and experts say this is largely because women are conditioned to feel responsible for managing home and family life. Women also tend to be more sensitive to early signs of problems in the relationship a lot sooner than men. When women do not get a response, they are quicker to understand something is wrong. The problem comes when a response is not given quick enough then you continue asking repeatedly, it simply makes things worse than better.
Men are guilty, too, because they do not always provide clear answers. Sure, a husband might tune his wife out because he is annoyed; nagging can make him feel like a little boy being scolded by his parents. Typically, the reason he does not respond immediately is because he does not know the solution yet, or he knows the solution will disappoint her.
While all couples deal with nagging at some point, the goal is to learn to cut back on this type of negative communication. Ultimately limited to no nagging increases your odds of staying together and keeping love for each other alive and healthy. If you are tired of repeating the same requests without getting the results you desire, it’s time to try some alternatives to nagging. Change your expectations and improve your communication skills. You may wind up with a happier family life and a cleaner house.
You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by trying some different approaches with our 13 simple solutions to end nagging. So, at Marriage Means Moore we have put together some new ways to encourage you to stop all the nagging. Some are simple you can start to do them immediately, while other may require a bit more effort and practice.
Our 13 Simple Solutions to End Nagging
1. Do the math. If you still need to convince yourself that nagging is not getting you the desired results, try counting how many times you say the same thing over and over. The tenth time is likely to turn out the same as the first nine attempts. You have everything to gain by trying a new approach.
2. Focus on the positive. Keep your eye on the big picture. When you think about how your partner enrich your life, it is easier to cut them some slack on the less pleasant details of your interactions.
3. Do it yourself. It may be faster and more satisfying to complete a task yourself rather than waiting for your partner to do it and then complaining about it. Learn to replace the air filter in your car. Sweep the stairs or wash the dishes even when your partner was going to do those jobs this week.
4. Become more flexible. Let your partner know that you appreciate their willingness to help out even if their methods are different from your own. Smoothing out the bedspread makes the room look tidier even if you have to give up on how you like to have corners tucked.
5. Let your partner experience the consequences of their actions. Stop acting as though you are the parent and they are the child! Maybe your partner surprises you with a request due the next morning, or the same afternoon when you usually go grocery shopping. Eating tuna fish sandwiches for a week may help them understand the importance of giving you adequate notice.
6. Engage outside help. Consider paying professionals for chores that cause ongoing conflicts. A weekly housecleaning service may be worth the investment. Find another parent at your kid’s school who wants to take turns driving them to soccer practice.
7. Streamline your workload. Constant nagging and complaining is often a sign that you are trying to do too much. By managing your time more effectively, you can figure out which responsibilities are priorities and which you can put aside. Everything does not have to be done for you to relax.
8. Embrace technology. Brief text messages and automated calendar reminders deliver the same information with less risk of putting people on the defensive. Remind your partner that you have a dinner party tonight without saying a word by simply adding an electronic reminder to their phone or calendar appointments.
9. Take an adult time Out. Deal with sensitive subjects when you are feeling calm and collected. As soon as your partner walks in the door from work is NOT the time to start complaining and nagging about how bad your day is or pointing out something they did not do. Take an adult time out and simply say, “when you get 15 minutes I would like to talk with you about something”.
10. Address the root issues. Probe more deeply to see if nagging is a symptom of deeper issues in your relationship. Marriage & relationship coaching or even parenting classes may help you get to the bottom of what is going on with you.
11. Be Assertive. Ask for what you want directly stop beating around the bush. Work up the courage to state what you need clearly and tactfully, your partner is not a mind reader. One skillful message beats years of beating around the bush.
12. Listen – Understand -Validate. Practice attentive listening by repeating what you heard your partner say, and never interrupt while they are talking. Concentrate on what your partner is saying and confirm that you understand. It’s easier to cooperate with each other when we feel validated and cared for.
13. Nurture your self-esteem. Some studies suggest that women are more prone to nagging because they feel like they have less power. Encourage yourself with positive self talk and pursue meaningful goals, meditate, self-affirmations, exercise or read. Feeling strong and secure makes you less vulnerable to finding faults in others.
If you have been together for a long time and intend to spend the foreseeable future with each other, you will definitely have more arguments and fights. We just hope that the next time it happens, you are able to make use of the advice you just read, and even when your spouse is sticking their tongue out at you like a 4-year-old, you’re able to react in a way that will make your relationship stronger and more special.
If you would like to speak with an experienced Marriage Coach, about any other challenges or obstacles facing your marriage we offer a variety of resources for couples or you can contact us for a FREE Consultation. Pick up a copy of our book “How Communicating Saved Our Marriage”.