Built Marriage Tough®
Built Marriage Tough®
How to Prevent Holiday Stress from Impacting Your Marriage The holiday season is upon us. Expect several lunches and dinners with family and friends, marketing blitzes, and a hurricane of activities that begin right after Halloween. The momentum will build at Thanksgiving, leading to Christmas and New Year’s celebrations. These holidays are considered as ‘a …
Stop interrupting your partner and listen to understand – not to respond, you just might hear their heart! Conversations between couples do not start out as arguments, but over time, it is those little annoying habits like interrupting your partner and not listening to understand when they are talking that can create major communication barriers. …
For better or worse, love, relationship, and marriage have been highly romanticized around the world. As a result, many people have developed unrealistic notions about them. Relationships Go Through Seasons Too! The fairy tales and fantasy novels that only show the good, sweet side of relationships and avoid addressing disagreements, conflicts, confrontations, and fights play …
From arguments and fights to blame-games and criticism, there are so many things that have the ability to destroy the very foundation of relationships and marriages. In all those things, the EGO is said to be the one problem that kills the best of relationships faster than anything else. It is also your worst enemy …
Are you tired of going back and forth with the silent treatment, not being understood, walking around frustrated with your partner and nothing seems to be getting better? How about arguments that get so heated that rather than keeping it real, one of you begins to accuse, criticize, or start a yelling match. Instead of …
While there is never an excuse for cheating, it is important to understand why cheating happens in a marriage. Cheaters often do attempt to solve problems without any good results before they begin cheating. Maybe they were jealous that you were giving too much attention to your job or they had second thoughts about the …
Oh, that reappearing ex! You either have heard of one, had one, or helped support a friend with one. We understand you do not want to disrespect or jeopardize your current relationship, but getting your ex to understand this isn’t always the easiest thing to do. Let’s face it, boundaries with your ex need to …
Have you ever felt as though your partner is speaking in a completely different language than yours? How about when they say, “I love you”, but you might feel loved if they actually helped you around the house more often? Do they get distracted by their phone while you are talking? What about failing to …
Does the stress of being a step-parent push you to the edge of total frustration? Do you worry about the issues that your new partner is having with your biological children? Is it possible to really build a healthy blended family? While blending families can be challenging, it is not impossible for it to work! In …
The silent treatment is simply a poor form of communication that we have been using to get our way. When communication is difficult it can help to create some ground rules. It is time to give your partner (and yourself) permission to calm down and get things back on track TOMORROW IS NOT PROMISED!!!
Why do we continue to use ‘the silent treatment’ if it is so destructive? It goes back to basics—‘hurt people hurt people’—and research shows that ‘the silent treatment’ is particularly effective in causing damage to your relationship. No one wants to be on the receiving end of this form of treatment, and we all know it.
While not proud to admit we have used ‘the silent treatment’ in our marriage. We have rationalized it by telling our self we were just taking time to ourselves to think. While partially true, we knew our actions were also hurtful and did not quickly stop it. Can you relate?
Just as we would confront a six-year-old who refuses to talk, we do the same for the adult in our lives. We must do this carefully because we don’t want to give the pouter extra clout. We should simply acknowledge that they have withdrawn and we want to give them an opportunity to talk it out effectively. Offer them the opportunity to talk, OR to take an agreed-upon timeout.
We must make it clear that we notice the behavior, and now invite them to speak directly to you about whatever is bothering them. Additionally, you note to them that their behavior is hurtful. While you cannot make them talk, you can let them know you notice what they are doing.
As you invite them to talk directly with you, let them know the impact their withdrawal has on you. You might say something like this: “I’ve noticed that something seems to be bothering you. You seem to have withdrawn. I want to invite you to talk directly to me about whatever is troubling you. I also want to let you know that I find your prolonged silence to be very hurtful.”
If they choose to talk to you, share your appreciation with them. Thank them for sharing, reinforcing positive behavior. This will be a quick fix to a potentially troubling situation. If they continue to give you ‘the silent treatment,’ you have no choice then to give them the space they are creating.
At this juncture, however, they will need to take responsibility for withdrawing in an unhealthy way and for creating more hurt in the relationship. Hold them accountable for withdrawing and share that you are ready to reconnect when they acknowledge the damage they have done by giving you ‘the silent treatment.’
In summary, silence is a particularly painful weapon and has no place in a healthy relationship. Taking a time out, agreed upon by both people, can be an effective way to get space to reflect, pray and consider a healthy response. You should allow for ‘time outs’ and must agree that ‘the silent treatment’ will never be tolerated.
Contact Coach Moore and get your marriage back on track! Get a FREE Consultation Contact Us